My Solitude and Night

My earliest memory takes me to an almost dark room with full of sleeping people, some on the bed and some on the mattress on the floor.  One window adjoining the bed is open and an yellow street light of a deserted road is visible from it. The window has some iron grill and net on it. I look at the people sleeping and I am the only one awake. I climb and cross the bodies to reach the window and look outside. I touch the grill and make some creepy noise by scratching the iron net for a while using my fingers. Someone, probably ma pulls me from the window and tries to put me back to sleep but before she is able to she falls asleep again. Now my attention is diverted to the people on the floor. I try to get down but then I fall from the bed on top of them. Everyone wakes up.

Ma got surprised as I told her about this memory once. She told it was impossible for me to remember this as I was just one year old at that time and we were on a trip to Deoghar with full family and some family friends. Back then there was not many hotels available and people used to rent houses from the locals. And people used to travel in packs.

But that is not the point. Point is I clearly remember the episode vividly and I remember how it felt exactly. I was not scared to wake up at night. I felt at peace and I felt one with the night. Even I remember the lonely alley. I loved it. I loved that everyone else were sleeping.

And nothing has changed even after so many years. I love to stay up all night. I feel going to sleep at night is such a waste of time. I feel alive at night. Often the partner of my nocturnal crimes is a book. My all time best friend. The other times I try to write. My mind is always full of thoughts. Never resting. Words play in my mind and keeps me awake at this time and I just wish morning never comes. Let rest of the people sleep. Just sleep.

Sometime I watch the outside world from the glass-pane of my window. I fall in love with the night even more. Only the trees are animated at this hour. Playing with the breeze. Their dark green leaves glistening with the gloomy, sleepy faraway street lights, dances like ballerina. Sometime I open the door and stand in the balcony. The sky looks lovely. Sometime it is red, when there is cloud and it is about to rain. The other times it is blue. Different shades of blue. If I am lucky I get to see stars or the sleepy moon too. I love the soft cool breeze in my skin. But I can’t stay there for long. Mosquitoes!

And then some days I see how sun takes over and claims the world again. How slowly night goes back to hiding. Dark and Light meet each other at one point and then leave the world to the other slowly. They mix with each other like color and water. Slowly, very slowly. At dawn it is like water taking over the dark color and melting it to lighter shade. At dusk it is just the opposite.

Watching and feeling the night is my kind of party. I never felt lonely at night.


2 thoughts on “My Solitude and Night

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